This sucks

About 10 days ago, my Husky fell off the bed. In the middle of the night. And my life has not been right since.
Dakota apparently had a seizure, possibly triggered by the kidney issues or dehydration. From there, bloodwork showed that the levels we'd been monitoring had skyrocketed. I agreed that her best shot was to go on 24 hour IV fluid therapy. She left me Thursday morning, stayed at the vets for the therapy. Then off to the 24 hour emergency vets to be monitored..... until the next morning.... then back to the vets...... then back to the 24 hour place until Monday morning.
It was working. It was stinkin' working. Then last Sunday, it didn't work. When I picked her up Monday morning, she was swollen with fluid.......... the kidneys couldn't handle it.
I elected to let nature take it's course. No more hospitalizations, no needles. She's home. I'm hurting.
It's almost time. She isn't eating, barely drinking, and started to vomit today. This all sucks, because this same dog greeted me at the door when I came home from the grocery store. It's like her mind is there...... but her body isn't.
I wish there was a concrete decision for her future journey. I really do. I know that no matter which one I make, I'll feel guilty and hateful toward myself.
My baby is dying, and I can't do a darn thing about it.
Except cry.

I'm just not a computer geek......

......... but I thought I'd jazz up the blog some. So it was off to thecutestblogontheblock.com, who did NOT have any snowy, wintery backgrounds! Disappointing, very disappointing.
So I picked this one. Hopefully they'll have some soon, since I have no friggin' idea how to do a background.
And yes, I'm bad. Well behaved women rarely make history. You know it! I've gotten a lot farther in this life being me.......... and not one of those well behaved women.

I spent a great deal of time contemplating and researching yesterdays post. Two things.

Thing #1 - no matter how much I don't want to admit it, the answer is exercise. My new best friend, my stationary bike!

Thing #2 - could it be the coffee? I read somewhere - lost the link - that coffee consumption can create sometypeof acid crystals that reside in your joints. OK. So it's no more coffee, and back to tea for me. There was a direct connection between the rise in my consumption of coffee and the pain, so.......... we cut it out to make sure.

Oh. And yeah, the Maple Leafs lost. But it was a good, well fought loss. Here's to hoping for a win tomorrow!!

Another one bites the dust

Yup. Another year older. I turned 48 the other day. Two years 'til the big 5-0.

Does it matter? Well, for the first time, I am thinking of myself as 'middle aged'. I know that there's been a big difference in my health over the past year. The arthritis diagnosis was a big blow, and while I'm thankful that all of the other things found came to be absolutely nothing, finding out that you have a good chance of two new shiny hips in your future isn't exactly comforting. I'm sort of attached to the old ones. I guess what got me even more was that I had to realize that as is, some of my dreams aren't going to come true. Right now, there's no way I could stand in a kitchen and cook for a living. For the first time I'm wondering if I am going to be able to stand behind a dog team on a sled. Or stop by that cabin surrounded by snow and beautiful quiet, even if it's just a day or so. I'm even questioning whether or not I could spend time in my car, traveling - running really - even if it's just for the weekend. I always said that if the time came, I'd take the keys from my Mom or my Dad, but let me tell you now, I think my own kids are going to have a hell of a time taking them from me!

So, what to do, what to do? If I had the answer, I'd be screaming it from the rooftop. I suspect that most of the solution is going to be taking better care of myself and trying to undo some of the damage. I don't think it will ever be as good as it was, but I think I have to try.