Another one bites the dust

Yup. Another year older. I turned 48 the other day. Two years 'til the big 5-0.

Does it matter? Well, for the first time, I am thinking of myself as 'middle aged'. I know that there's been a big difference in my health over the past year. The arthritis diagnosis was a big blow, and while I'm thankful that all of the other things found came to be absolutely nothing, finding out that you have a good chance of two new shiny hips in your future isn't exactly comforting. I'm sort of attached to the old ones. I guess what got me even more was that I had to realize that as is, some of my dreams aren't going to come true. Right now, there's no way I could stand in a kitchen and cook for a living. For the first time I'm wondering if I am going to be able to stand behind a dog team on a sled. Or stop by that cabin surrounded by snow and beautiful quiet, even if it's just a day or so. I'm even questioning whether or not I could spend time in my car, traveling - running really - even if it's just for the weekend. I always said that if the time came, I'd take the keys from my Mom or my Dad, but let me tell you now, I think my own kids are going to have a hell of a time taking them from me!

So, what to do, what to do? If I had the answer, I'd be screaming it from the rooftop. I suspect that most of the solution is going to be taking better care of myself and trying to undo some of the damage. I don't think it will ever be as good as it was, but I think I have to try.